Below the Fold

Keeping the (Inter) Faith During the Holidays

Every year around this time I get a call or an e-mail asking for an interview about being in an interfaith marriage. The reporters all want to know why my wife and I decided to raise our daughter Jewish and whether images of Santa and a Christmas tree at my in-laws’ house will make her convert to Christianity at the first possible opportunity.

I occasionally write columns for Interfaith Family Magazine, which is where reporters from publications like the LA Jewish Journal and Jewish wire services get my name. Every year I get the same questions, every year I give the same answers, and every year they can’t believe that a Jew and a Christian can raise a Jewish child, have a Jewish home and go to synagogue every week without the non-Jewish partner converting (in case you are wondering, the answer is yes, it can be done and we are just fine, thanks.)

I understand the questions and the need to ask them, which is why I don’t mind putting on the broken record every December. The questions themselves, however, are born from fear.

Jews are not the most emotionally secure people in the world, and for good reason – 2,000 years of persecution, execution and assimilation will do that every time. There are enough problems keeping the Jews we have, so when someone like me marries a non-Jew, there’s cause for alarm.

I tell the reporters not to worry, but telling a Jew not to worry is like telling Paris Hilton not to go partying. Without Jewish worry and paranoia there would have been no Woody Allen, no Seinfeld and no Jewish mothers.

So I don’t bother trying to change people's minds. Instead, I focus on helping my daughter with her Hebrew school homework. I proofread the synagogue newsletter that my Christian spouse puts together. I go on despite all those who think this way of life is impossible or wrong.

I’m lucky. My in-laws and my own mother, who may have been skeptical or even scared at first, never disowned us. Our daughter is just another grandchild, not “the Jewish one” or “the mixed-up one.” When Chanukah and Christmas overlap, my in-laws light their own menorah and say the Hebrew prayers.

This is respect, not lip service. There is no fear of conversion from either side; we are all far too secure in ourselves for that.

I understand the need for some Jews to remain afraid. But fear doesn't excuse narrow-minded thinking – at some point, the fear has to stop lest it consume us all.

Hamas Public Relations Campaign Can’t Change Reality

Hamas, the terrorist organization turned governing power in the recent Palestinian elections, is paying $180,000 to a local media consultant to help them remake their image, according to a report in the Guardian newspaper.

Said Hamas PR man Nashat Aqtash, who works from Ramallah in the West Bank:

"Hamas has an image problem. The Israelis were able to create a very bad image of the Palestinians in general and particularly Muslims and Hamas. My contract is to project the right image."

Wow, and I thought being Pat Robertson’s PR person was the shortest straw you could draw.

According to the Guardian, following is the advice Aqtash gave Hamas to remake its image around the world. The “reality” statements, however, are mine:

Advice:    Say you are not against Israelis as Jews.
Reality:   Say you are against Israelis, Jews, and any person or country who supports Israelis or Jews.

Advice:    Don't talk about destroying Israel.
Reality:   Publish brochures, give speeches and teach schoolchildren to pray for the destruction of Israel.

Advice:    Do talk about Palestinian suffering.
Reality:   Hold rallies for TV cameras to whip up sympathy, while ignoring the real issues and hardships of everyday Palestinians.

Advice:    Don't celebrate killing people.
Reality:   Kill people and then dance in the streets.

There is one potentially delicious irony in all this – it’s possible that the $180,000 to tell the world Hamas doesn’t want to destroy Israel came from Iran, a country that wants to destroy Israel. If that’s true, maybe Iran will decide it needs a PR consultant, too.

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Worst Job Ever: PR Spokesperson for Pat Robertson

Working for crazy people has to be tough. In my old line of work we called these crazy people “editors,” which is honestly the nicest thing an editor has ever been called.

But today I want to offer my thoughts and prayers to Angell Watts, spokesperson for Christian broadcaster, former Presidential candidate and the craziest old person in America not named U.S. Sen. Ted Stevens, Pat Robertson. In the latest of a string of nutty nuggets spewed by Robertson – who can forget his warning to Dover, Penn., residents that God won’t help them in a disaster because they voted out local school board members that supported teaching Intelligent Design – he said that Israeli Prime Minister Ariel (Arik) Sharon’s stroke was “divine punishment” for ordering Israel’s pullout from Gaza.

"God considers this land to be his," Robertson said on his television show. “You read the Bible and he says `This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, `No, this is mine.'

“I would say woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the EU (European Union), the United Nations, or the United States of America.”

Now most of us can dismiss these comments for what they are – a gross misinterpretation of divine intent from a man who lost his relevance long ago. But poor Ms. Watts doesn’t have that luxury. No, she has to answer the phone when The Associated Press calls, clear her throat and say in a strong, serious and sincere voice about Robertson’s critics:

“What they're basically saying is, `How dare Pat Robertson quote the Bible?' This is what the word of God says. This is nothing new to the Christian community."

Bless her heart. Ms. Watts took her key message and stuck it where the light of God doesn’t shine. White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan doesn’t have that much chutzpah, and he speaks on behalf of a whole government full of crazy people.

I would hire Ms. Watts in a heartbeat, but I don’t have any clients who are crazy enough for someone of her caliber. Besides, Robertson will need her to explain his next ill-timed diatribe.

So Godspeed and God Bless, Ms. Watts. The PR community is praying for you.

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Pat Robertson Damns Dover for Not Bending Over to Religious Extremism

I try to keep my comments to the subjects of modern media, communications and the evolution of news, not the evolution of life on Earth. But I feel I owe it to the people of Dover, Pennsylvania, to warn them that the end is nigh.

Pat Robertson says Dover residents will not get any help from God if disaster strikes their city. Dover voters ousted all eight school board members who supported the teaching “intelligent design” in the public schools. Intelligent design says that nature is too complex to have been formed by accident and instead is the handiwork of a “designer.” Some religious activists tout intelligent design as an alternative to the theory of evolution – and therefore is an excuse to bring religious dogma into the classroom.

Voters, however, felt that science classes should be reserved for teaching science, and that religion should be reserved for religion classes, Sunday school or the family dinner table. Enter Robertson, who sees the decision by a democratic electorate to choose its leaders as tantamount to signing their own death warrant.

“I’d like to say to the good citizens of Dover: if there is a disaster in your area, don’t turn to God, you just rejected him from your city,” Robertson said on his cable show, The 700 Club. “And don’t wonder why he hasn’t helped you when problems begin, if they begin. I’m not saying they will, but if they do, just remember, you just voted God out of your city. And if that’s the case, don’t ask for his help because he might not be there.”

This is pretty harsh, considering this is the same God who gave Nineveh a second chance. God is even going to give Terrell Owens another opportunity to repent, swear allegiance to another team, and then trash his new home when things don’t go his way.

I’m not sure why I spend any time on a dyspeptic blowhard who matters as much to the public discourse as Carrot Top matters to comedy. Robertson predicts the apocalypse so often he makes Chicken Little seem downright cautious. Robertson is irrelevant and should be ignored.

Wait, now I remember. I spend time on people like Robertson because millions watch him worldwide. I spend time on Robertson because while he is to be pitied, there are others of his ilk to be feared.

I spend time on Robertson because I lost my country a few years ago, I miss it, and I want it back.

God Bless You, Dover PA.

intelligent religion dover

“Screw the Lettuce” and Other Expletives from the Disengagement

Real stories about Israeli “disengagement” from the West Bank and Gaza are hard to come by via the mainstream American media, who prefer to feed us our international news in bite-sized, easy-to-swallow chewable tablets of information. A screaming Palestinian here, a defiant Israeli settler there, and a few shots of Ariel Sharon looking all the more like the guy from Monty Python’s “The Meaning of Life” who is so overweight he eventually explodes, and we have ourselves enough disengagement news to last until Larry King’s next interview with Jessica Hahn (who, by the way, apparently gets boob jobs as often as most people get oil changes. Oh, and she slept with Hugh Hefner, but only once.)

So instead I read online versions of Israeli newspapers like Haaretz and the Jerusalem Post. I listen to Israel National Radio, which is so far to the right if it moved any further it would have to change its name to Jordan National Radio. And of course, I follow the blogosphere, reading posts from Israelis and Palestinians and Americans who, like me, wonder what is really going on in settlements like Gush Katif in Gaza, where thousands of people will lose their homes or die trying to keep them.

It doesn’t matter where you come down on this issue; I have my opinions, but I wouldn’t dare assume that I have better insight into what’s going on than the people who live there. I am concerned, however, that the Israeli homeowners in the occupied territories are surrounded not just by Hamas or Islamic Jihad but also by another enemy -- other Israelis.

Left-wing Israelis accuse the defiant settlers of damaging the road map to peace (as if that road hasn’t been damaged enough). Right-wing Israelis demand the settlers stand firm because to do anything less is to dishonor G-d and country. Stay you lose, leave you lose – sounds more like the Vegas Strip than the Gaza Strip.

Passions and opinions understandably run high. On Jewlicious, a writer wrote somewhat lightheartedly about Gush Katif’s organic agriculture industry and how its homegrown lettuce will no longer be available after disengagement. A reader commented, “Screw the Lettuce!!! That’s the least of our troubles, how about the victory going to the enemy! How about the plans the enemy has for the land!!!”

It gets worse than mere attacks on helpless produce. One pro-settler group reportedly placed a “curse” on Sharon to make him drop dead within 30 days. An Israeli blogger called an American Jewish blogger who supports the disengagement plan a Judenrat (derogatory slang for Nazi puppet).

I agree with blogger Lisa Rosenblatt who wrote: “Peace and security surrounding Israel means nothing unless there is internal peace amongst Israelis and all Jews.”

Disengagement begins Aug. 15. Screw the lettuce – and let’s hope for the best.

Letters from Heaven: The Rapture is Online

Sometimes something comes along that’s so strange, so off the wall, so borderline nuts that it begs for attention like Michael Jackson at a Chuck E. Cheese.

Such is the case with Rapture Letters, a web site dedicated to helping the recently ascended communicate with the sinners left behind.

According to the site, after the Rapture (when born-again believers in Jesus Christ are taken up to heaven), “there will be a lot of speculation as to why millions of people have just disappeared. Unfortunately, after the rapture, only non-believers will be left to come up with answers. You probably have family and friends that you have witnessed to and they just won't listen. After the rapture they probably will, but who will tell them?

“We have written a computer program to do just that. It will send an Electronic Message (e-mail) to whomever you want after the rapture has taken place, and you and I have been taken to heaven.”

I have to admit, I’ve been around the Internet for a long time and seen a lot of wacky ideas. But Rapture Letters is, well, heaven sent in its use of modern media.

I don’t mean to be mean – a lot of good people believe this stuff, which is their right. Nevertheless, I first heard about Rapture Letters on The Daily Show, so I figure the subject is fair game.

All anyone needs to do is add the e-mail addresses of their friends and family to the Rapture Letters database, and when the Rapture comes, a form letter will be sent to those poor souls on the first Friday after the Rapture. Choosing the Jewish Sabbath to send a letter to non-believers is a nice touch.

Your loved ones will continue to receive your letter every Friday until they either 1) become true believers, 2) change Internet service providers, 3) save a whole lot of money on their car insurance by switching to Geico. It’s enough trouble getting rid of spam from living people, now we have to deal with spam coming to us from the afterlife.

As a fan of both modern media and pop culture, however, I think Rapture Letters is great. Now the real trick would be getting all the recently raptured souls to start a blog once they get to the Kingdom of Heaven. Maybe Shel Holtz can Skype someone and do a Podcast from the Great Beyond – I’m not sure, but based on Shel’s name, I have a feeling he’s going to be down here with me for a while. The same goes for Shel Israel, B.L. Ochman and I think Steve Rubel. At least I hope Steve is Jewish – I get worried if four hours go by and Steve hasn’t posted anything on Micro Persuasion; I don’t know what I would do if he left for good.

And if any of you are thinking of entering my name into the Rapture Letters database, don’t bother. If you leave this Earth I will know why, and chances are I will be over at your house, using your computer and watching all the satellite TV I want. According to the Bible, once you’re gone I’ll only have seven years left – and I plan to make the most of them.

Religious Tolerance Starts with Public School

It began in Alexandra’s first grade classroom, when a classmate asked her if she believed Jesus was the Son of God.

“I told her no, I’m Jewish,” my six-year-old daughter said. “She wouldn’t play with me after that.”

We talked about how differences make us special, how if you are different from somebody else, that also means they are different from you. My wife spoke to the teacher, the teacher spoke to the class, and the incident was over – until the next time.

Religion, politics and culture intersect more today than at perhaps any other time in modern history. From the Middle East to Middle America, there is a renewed belief in belief, an unfettered resolve to follow a spiritual path. The problem, however, is we have become too focused on the destination and not the journey.

So let’s give our children something useful for the journey ahead – let’s teach them about religion, beginning in public school.

Let me be clear: I said teach about religion, not teach a particular religious belief. Teach kids about Christianity, Judaism and Islam, about Buddhism and Hinduism. Get the parents involved and continue the education at home.

We can do this without proselytizing, without promoting one view over another, without violating the Constitution. Education cures ignorance, and understanding brings tolerance. The sooner we start, the better our future becomes.

We are too late to stop the Inaugural prayer breakfast pastor who called Jesus Christ the “Lord of the United States.” Objective religious education won’t change the minds of some in the Middle East who hate America and want to eliminate Israel. And it won’t stop Sunnis and Shiites from plunging deeper toward civil war in Iraq. But perhaps providing more education about different faiths will help us reach the end of our individual journeys with greater understanding.